


the world's not waiting (but i am)

by byddai



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Fluff, Implied Relationships, Light Angst, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-09 01:37:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11094192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byddai/pseuds/byddai
Summary: "Of course Changgu is inconsolable when the company tells them that Yan An has to be away for his recovery"or, the one where Changgu feels too much.





	the world's not waiting (but i am)

**Author's Note:**

> first of all: english is not my first (nor second) language and I don’t have a beta this time, so I’m pretty sure you’d find a lot of errors. If you point them out to me, I’ll make sure to edit!
> 
> second: this is based on a real situation but it’s still fiction, so some things may be a lil’ bit inaccurate. Just go with the flow.

 

Changgu loves Yan An. 

Everybody knows that because it’s an obvious thing, just like the fact that the Sun raises from the East, the water is wet and the fire burns, roses are red or that the capital of Brunei is Bandar Seri Begawan.

So of course Changgu is inconsolable when the company tells them that Yan An has to be away for his recovery, so no, he’s not going to be there for the come back and no, they can’t postpone everything even if they wanted. 

The idol world is dangerous and savage, and the people from Cube have been timing their comeback for months, trying to get them a nice spot in between all the other groups, analysing not only the other idols under their seal, but also groups from other companies. That much work can’t be thrown away because one of them is injured, no matter how they fight for it. 

It’s a shark-eats-another-shark world, and Changgu knew it when he entered the pentagon project, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to accept their decision. He screams, kicks, cries, hyperventilates and tries to scratch someone’s hand away from his body, but in the end his energy disappears, all the crying leaving him exhausted, tears falling silently down his cheeks. 

(Logically, he knows Cube is just being cautious, so that Yan An’s injury doesn’t get worse. It’s the best choice for everyone, but in that moment Changgu can’t think clearly, his emotions getting the best of him.) 

The way back to their dorms is silent and tense, and Changgu can’t help but break again when he sits on the van, the seat next to him empty for the first time. He sobs uncontrollably, face buried in his hands. Soon enough, though, there are arms hugging him, a body covering his, as if trying to protect him from the world. Shinwon kisses his head, and Changgu can feel his tears soaking his hair. 

Out of all of them Shinwon is the one that understands better what Changgu is feeling, the one that shares the same fear, the same rage, the same hurt. Shinwon must be remembering those dark weeks were he couldn’t do anything but look at his band mates, his friends, while they fulfilled their dream. His dream. He was there with them of course, but it’s not the same and he’ll always carry that with him. 

Changgu can’t do anything else but cry again, screaming against Shinwon’s chest, hurting for both of his friends. 

The drive is silent for the most part, only broken by Changgu’s sobs and the murmurs and soft conversation between the members. Hongseok, hugging Jinho, talks softly with Hwitaek, who hasn’t stopped running his hand through Shinwon’s hair. The others are in the other van, but Jinho must be talking with them via message because he keeps them updated about the situation on the other van.

When they arrive at the dorms, no one is surprised to hear Hwitaek say that they’re going to sleep in Dorm A. The boys nod, going to their rooms to grab their things. Changgu stands in the doorway of his dorm, not daring to enter. He’s not sure if he’s ready to see Yan An’s things without the boy being there, and he sure as hell is not ready to step into their shared room alone. 

He doesn’t want to be a burden for his friends, but he can’t do it. He’s gathering all his courage to tell them when Hyunggu appears out of nowhere and looks at him, silent and serious (a very unusual thing, since Hyunggu is one of the most cheerful members of their family) and then, Changgu is being hug again. Hyunggu makes that silly jumping thing he sometimes does, as if trying to make himself taller or bigger so he could hug more, hug better. 

Changgu clings to him, desperate, but no more tears fall. He must have cried all of them in the van, because now his eyes itch and feel puffy, but nothing else. 

He doesn’t know how long they stay like this, but when Hyunggu finally lets him go and smiles at him, Wooseok is behind him with two bags over his shoulder and another in his hand. 

“C’mon. The others are waiting.” 

“What…” 

Hyunggu smiles and kisses his cheek before taking his hand. “You weren’t ready to enter the dorm, so I told Wooseok to get your things. And you looked like you wanted to cry again, so I hugged you.” 

Changgu swallows, the hurt and the sadness still there but now slightly less prominent. “Thank you, boys.” 

Wooseok chuckles and pats his shoulder, softly. “No need to thank, hyung.” 

In the other dorm, Hongseok is cooking something light so they don’t go to bed with an empty stomach. The boys from Dorm B are changing into their pyjamas wile the ones from Dorm A move mattresses from one room to the other, dumping them on Hwitaek’s floor. One of the mattresses ends in the hallway because the room is not big enough for all of them, but it works all the same. 

Changgu watches in silence, his throat hurting from all the screaming and crying. He changes with mechanical movements, eats what is placed before him without really tasting anything and then follows his friends to their makeshift camping. He’s not listening to anyone, just follows the fingers that signal him where to go or moves around by the hands that guide him. 

He ends up tugged between Yuto and Wooseok, maybe because that way he feels more protected. Hongseok ruffles his hair in a motherly way and Jinho pats his cheek before following him, letting Hyojong enough space to kiss his cheek and Hwitaek to kiss his forehead. Changgu buries himself in the sheets, ignoring the world around him and fighting back tears, and for a few minutes everything is calm, only the movements of the older hyungs disturbing the peace. When lights go out, though, Hyunggu climbs over Wooseok’s body and curls around him like an octopus. 

If they hear Changgu cry again, no one says anything. 

When morning comes, Changgu refuses to wake up. He tries hard to go back to sleep, ignoring the movement and conversations going on around him. He closes his eyes hard, hands clenching on the sheets that cover his body, hiding his face on the pillow. 

That doesn’t stop Hongseok, though. 

“Changgu, you need to get up, we have less than an hour to have breakfast and get ready.” 

He has to fight to open his eyes, all puffy and dry from last night’s weeping party. When he opens them he finds Hongseok sitting on the floor in front of him, smiling at him. Shinwon is still on one of the mattresses on the floor, Wooseok is carrying an annoyingly awake Hyunggu out of the room, and Changgu can hear Yuto laugh at the end of the corridor, followed by Hyojong’s high pinched voice. 

“Changgu.” The boy looks at his hyung, who pats his cheek lightly. “I know you’re tired, but we need to move.” 

Changgu gets up slowly. His body feels like it weights a ton and the feeling of despair that clenches his heart is still there, as strong as the day before, making him breath with difficulty, trying to not fall apart. 

He moves on autopilot, kindly guided by Hongseok. His gaze doesn’t move from the floor, his mind focused on Yan An, wondering how he must be feeling and what he must be thinking. 

Is he awake? Is someone with him? Do they know how he likes his pillow or that he hates cold water? Is he in pain? Is he crying like Changgu is, or is he trying to be strong? 

If only Changgu could be there with him. 

He sits on the sofa (let’s himself fall ungraciously on it, more than anything, as if the little energy he’s gotten after a restless sleep had been spent in the short distance between the room and the living room) and stays there, feet on the cushion and arms hugging his knees. The world moves around him as if nothing was out of the ordinary, people running from one dorm to the other, the clashing of plates and silverware, grunts and growls and complains mixed with soft humming and singing. 

No one seems to mind him until Hwitaek taps him on the leg. “It’s almost time to leave, Changgu, we need you to change.” 

“No.” 

His voice is nothing but a murmur but everybody stops what they are doing and look at him. Changgu would be ashamed if he was in his right mind, but he’s not. So fuck the world, because he’s not going to do anything without Yan An next to him. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Changgu…” 

“Yan An is not going to be there, right? Then I’m not going to be there either.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous Changgu.” 

“I’m not!” He plants his feet on the ground, looking at his band mates one by one. Some of them look away, others look at him with sadness or pitty. “Pentagon is us ten, not nine. Right?” 

“And until the tenth member comes back, we should keep on going.” Jinho’s voice is soft but hard as steel, carrying the experience no one else has. Hwitaek frowns, but doesn’t say anything. Even though he would prefer someone more sensitive in situations like this, Changgu is being unreasonable, and Jinho has the authority no one else has. “Do you think Yan An would be happy to know you’ve let Universes down?” 

The oldest hyung looks at Changgu with exasperation. 

“And what about letting Yan An down?” 

Jinho huffs. “He’d get mad at you if you told him that, you know?” 

“Yan An deserves this comeback as much as all of us, we can’t take it from him!” 

“Then go out and help us have the best comeback ever seen, so when Yan An comes back he can have the time of his life.” 

Changgu knows he’s right, knows he’s being a brat and that he shouldn’t be doing this to his band mates, his friends, but it’s so difficult to think straight when it comes to Yan An. He covers his face with his hands, fingers finding short strands of hair and pulling at them, hard. He screams against the skin of his palms, desperate and lost. 

And then, out of nowhere, Jinho slaps his hands away, getting a surprised gasp from everyone around them. Hongseok gets up in a flash and Hwitaek seems ready to start lecturing the older boy, but Hyojong stops him, putting his hand on the other’s mouth. 

Changgu looks at his hyung, ready to say something, whatever comes to his mind, but Jinho doesn’t give him time. There’s a phone pressed against his ear and his hand holds it in a flash, as an automatic reaction. Jinho takes a step back and nods, proud of himself. Changgu doesn’t get it until he hears it. 

“Jinho hyung?” 

And there, small and sleepy, it’s Yan An’s voice. Changgu cries again, because of course he would end up crying again. 

“Hey.” Changgu sobs and Yan An’s answer is a small laugh. “Yeah, I know.” 

“…miss you.” 

“I know that too.” 

“I don’t wanna be without you.” 

Yan An sighs, tired and sad, and Changgu knows that because he has spent so much time loving this boy that he can categorise every little thing related to Yan An, from the tone of his voice to the way he breathes and everything in between. 

“Changgu…” 

“Please, don’t.” 

“I have to.” Changgu closes his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks and disappearing under the neck of his shirt. “You can’t do this, Changgu, you can’t just abandon your band mates because of me.” 

“But we are not Pentagon if there’s not ten of us!” 

“I’ll be there too, just a little bit late. Like that time we had to meet for coffee and I arrived half an hour late.” 

“You got lost, it doesn’t count.” 

Yan An chuckles, and Changgu can hear the rustle of sheets. “Do you remember what you said to me?” 

Changgu remembers. What surprises him is that Yan An remembers, too. 

“I said that…" 

“…that you would wait for me.” 

“No matter how long it took you to arrive.” 

“Yeah.” 

The stay silent for a few minutes, enough time for Changgu to stop crying and notice that he’s been left alone. He thanks his friends mentally for it, because Changgu may not be that good hiding his feelings for Yan An, but he doesn’t want them hearing him pouring his heart like that. This moment is just for Yan An and him. No one else. 

“Can you wait for me just a little bit longer?” 

“Why can’t I wait for you _with you_?” 

“Because then I wouldn’t have any reason to heal faster.” 

“Yan An…”

“I know I’m asking too much, but please. Would you be my reason to get better?” 

Changgu knows there’s more there, that their dancing around their feelings is silly and they are gonna have to talk about it soon, no matter how nervous they are about that. But Yan An is asking for him to wait, to extend his hand so Yan An can take it when he’s ready. 

And when has Changgu been able to deny something to him? 

“Of course I’ll wait.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me about these babies, any time and anywhere


End file.
